One of the best ways to handle a painful past is to learn from it. That's why I am often asked how an individual can make a difference when I share my story. What brought me hope? What else could have helped a struggling high-schooler like me?

Ideally, we would be aware of any friends struggling to understand or handle their sexuality. In that case, we would look out for them — reassuring them that our friendship does not depend on their romantic attractions. We could dig into testimonial or psychological books on the topic to better understand our friend or relative. We might even study the theology of sexuality and marriage ourselves so we could offer improved support and advice.

But let's be real. None of us are clairvoyant and not everyone has the time to read a bunch of books. We might not know what to think about it, let alone offer any useful advice. Luckily, after reflecting on my experience, I realized that being a supportive friend does not depend on having all the answers.

For instance, others' impartial respect and kindness planted seeds of self-esteem in me. Before facing any of the major issues in my life, I needed to view myself as a normal human. After paying attention to negative messages for several years, I considered myself less than human due to my sexuality. Hopefully this level of dehumanization isn't so common that you encounter it with a friend, family member, or in your own life, but you might. In my case, it took many exceptional counterexamples from both affirming and non-affirming friends to help me regain confidence and hope in God.

On one school trip in college, I found myself rooming with a non-affirming friend. I didn't want to be that close for an entire week without being transparent with him. Though afraid that he may request a different roommate, I came out to him. Instead, he reassured me and asked me about my romantic interests. Nothing else had ever made me feel that normal before.

The way sexuality was discussed in my environment also influenced how I dealt with it personally. Unnecessarily quoted prohibition passages didn't bring me closer to God. The type of person to make derogatory gay jokes was also the last type I would choose to be vulnerable with. Instead, hearing educated discussions allowed for more logical processing of my feelings and beliefs.

Sometimes, an adult I knew provided this example, but more often it was a sermon I heard or story I read. Some told their stories to initiate discussion and reaped great results. Following suit was scary at first, but I knew if I wanted to see a change around me, I needed to help instigate it. It didn't take a theology degree to make a difference. Rather, it took common sense and respect.

I always like to think of what would make me the type of person that someone would feel safe coming out to. I would need to speak maturely about sexuality when it was brought up. I should show enough respect to refer to others by their preferred pronouns. I would need to be an attentive listener and be able to show that I care deeply for others. I encourage you, also, to be someone others choose to confide in.

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Though I had to contemplate it for several months, I found an answer for my mission trip supervisor, who originally prompted me to put my story on paper. Growing up Christian and attracted to the same gender certainly had its shortcomings. From an early age, I learned to hide my struggle out of shame and fear. The struggle was not limited to reconciling my faith and sexuality but included learning how to give and receive love. Instead of being comfortable among the followers of a God of love, I felt permanently unclean. I was always afraid of others finding out my secret — afraid that I wouldn't make it through just because I was different. Yet, I made it here and I'm alright. I found people who reflected God's love, and I shed the shame and fear that controlled me. I made it because in the end, nothing, neither being used, nor gay, nor depressed, could separate me from God's love.

I wish that I could travel back a decade and help my 11-year-old self truly understand those words. I eventually understood because I was blessed enough to have individuals in my life who reflected Christ until I realized that I was priceless to God. Luckily, we, too, can show His impartial love to all those around us.